For years I’ve has a quote printed in my office stating: “A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there”- by Gina Milicia. As a CBT therapist this quote is often something I share with my clients. First, let me start off by saying that there is nothing wrong with a comfort zone. It truly is a beautiful place. It’s safe and familiar and what’s not to like? The fact that there can’t be growth doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Not everyone strives to reach new goals in career or life and that works for them. Enjoy your comfort zone!
When doesn’t a comfort zone work? Well, I find for many of my clients with anxiety and depression that a comfort zone can sometimes become this toxic familiarity that feels too scary to leave but miserable to be in. They feel stuck. I remember when I was in going through outside training to run support groups for domestic violence survivors, and the trainer said “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”. Of course, the reality of this is different for those in a domestic violence situation but the meaning can be applied here. A person can know that they are unhappy in their situation and have some sense of knowledge that things can get better but still feel debilitated and unable to reach towards change due to fear and uncertainty around the unknown. This unknown is often referred to as change.
So the next question is, why can’t change happen in a comfort zone? Because change is often uncomfortable. Good or bad, that’s just generally the case. I remember dying my hair brown and questioning if I liked it for a week before deciding I did. A minor example, especially when comparing to some of the changes my clients are contemplating. Even moving back to New Mexico was a struggle. I knew it would be great long term but the difference in support network and familiarity was challenging. Change is supposed to be uncomfortable and you can tolerate it. You have been doing it all your life. Soon enough, you will start to feel comfortable again and may even find a new comfort zone that fits you more than the last one. Moving from California to New Mexico while starting a private practice was massively stressful and scary but it was the the best decision for me. It’s also important to recognize that that this process of change also feels very vulnerable and you will need to draw on your courage. Brene Brown talks a lot about this in her various books and lectures. We often view discomfort as a bad this, but that’s not always the case. Think of any major change you made in your life that was for the better. The process was probably a but uncomfortable.
So if you find yourself feeling stuck and unhappy, seek discomfort out. Embrace it and welcome it like an old friend. Through discomfort you might just find change and your future happiness.
As always, talk to your therapist about it. 😉
